It is that time of the year again when I write down my next year’s resolutions that I will absolutely, definitely, totally not break. By now even you must be bored of my hollow resolutions to slim down that I make every year. We both know that’s never going to happen, no matter how many resolutions I make. Let’s just accept the fact that I can never look like one of those Victoria Secret’s Angels. Sigh!
So this year I have decided to focus on my online world instead. Over the past year, I have made several mistakes online that I would not like to repeat and also make some positive changes in my online world. Today I have taken the time out to write down a list of my New Year’s Social Media Resolutions for 2015:
Clean My Facebook List: Seriously, I need to check my current friend list and delete people that I no longer want to be in touch with because some of these people are just plain annoying. Just cut the dead weight and keep the friends that I actually want. I am going to start by:
Blocking all the mushy couples because I am SICK of their PDA. There are 2 such couples in my list who just don’t seem to comprehend the meaning of the word “private”. They have made me gag and puke over their cheesy status updates, inappropriate check-ins and cringe worthy photos all year round. It is time that they go away from my newsfeed.
Blocking AJ, the Chronic Inviter because if I don’t do it now I might just go bonkers because of his “Candy Crush”, “Support my cause”, “Sign my petition” requests
Blocking people who post song lyrics as their status. I mean enough with the Anaconda, man!
Hiding updates from people who brag about their workouts and posts pics of their amazing bodies while I guiltily look at my muffin top while ordering Hardees at work. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life
Hiding all updates from the “Vaguebooker. Oh my God, they annoy the hell out of me! Dear Diary, do you know what vaguebooking is? Urban Dictionary defines “vaguebooking” as: “An intentionally vague Facebook status update that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help.” Remember that guy I told you about who keeps posting things like
“Wondering if it’s all worth it…”
“Yep, that just happened.”
“Karma is a bitch.”
Good grief, mate! Give the fishing for sympathy a break and phone a friend instead of vaguebooking.
Share Less: I am sure I must be annoying my friends with my excessive posts on Facebook. I mean I do know that nobody likes to know every small detail of my life, especially all the bad things that happen to me like not getting a seat on the train, my coffee order being wrong, sitting in traffic, etc, but I just can’t help it. I must make an effort not to share too much information. A golden rule that I am going to follow before posting anything is to take just a moment to think “ Am I really bringing anything to the conversation with such clichéd #firstworldproblems?” before posting them.
Stop Correcting People’s Grammar Online: I need to understand that punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling Nazi. No matter how often I see people using “your” instead of “you’re”, “loose” instead of “lose” or the ones who don’t know the difference between “there” “their” and “they’re”. I guess it’s not my duty to attempt to correct any grammar and/or spelling mistakes that I observe online, no matter how my fingers itch to type out that comment pointing out their mistakes.
Be careful of who I send snaps to: Dear Diary, do you remember what happened last week? The embarrassing moment when I sent that dumb snap to a colleague by mistake instead of sending it to Sara. Oh god! That moment will continue to haunt me for a long time but I swear I am going to be more careful with my snaps now.
For the love of God, update my LinkedIn profile: I have been procrastinating for so long. I need to take my profile to the next level and turn it into apowerful career tool that spotlights my skills, experiences, AND impresses my network of connections.
Stop using so many hashtags on Instagram: I admit I have an annoying habit of creating my own hashtags and using a billion hashtags on one post. I am going to try and avoid this in the future. #IPromise #NewYearsResolution #toomanyhashtags #CantHelpIt #OhGodINeedToStop
Figure out what exactly to do with my Google+ account? ..
Not in bed: This year I am making myself a promise that I won’t check my notifications and refresh my feeds just one last time before bed- no matter how tempting it might be or to check them the first thing in the morning. I don’t want to ruin my slumber or to start my day off with Internet clutter.
Create Less #Foodporn on Instagram: Although I find it oh-so-tempting to Instagram every single morsel that passes through my lips, I am going to try and set a #foodporn benchmark and stick to it (Just discarded my latest Instagram post of a spectacular close up shot of my Nutella sandwich)
Think before I tweet: Let’s face it, Dear Diary, I have tweeted some really dumb S**t this year. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake again. It takes only a few seconds to compose a dumb tweet. The damage can last much longer. I have learnt my lesson the hard way.
I swear by Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Google+, LinkedIn, and every social network out there, and call all the founders and co-founders to witness, that I will observe and keep this underwritten oath, to the utmost of my power and judgment.